On paper, the jokes seem mildly amusing. But put those words in the mouth of their author, comedian Mitch Hedberg, and comedy club audiences have been known to pass their two-drink minimum through their nose.

I don't own a cell phone or pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me, they just say "Mitch" and I say "What?" and turn my head slightly.

It's Hedberg's voice, a raspy staccato that sounds like a southern drawl mashed with California surfer, and his static-y "whoa, dude" delivery, that have made Hedberg a favorite on college campuses and prompted some to short-list him for the next big thing. Take a dash of Stephen Wright's absurdity, sift in some Henny Youngman one-liners, and add a pinch of Cheech and Chong.

Roll it up, smoke it, and you have the essence of Hedberg.

I saw a wino with grapes. I said, "Dude, you gotta wait."

Since then, he's sold a solid 100,000 units of his latest CD, "Mitch All Together," on Comedy Central records. He opened for Lewis Black and Dave Attell on last year's Comedy Central tour, which played the Benedum Center.

"When you got a CD in stores, you got to do in-store appearances," Hedberg says. "If nobody shows up, I pretend like I'm shopping."

This time around, he headlines his own show at the Byham Theater. He and wife-comic Lynn Shawcroft are touring in their newly purchased RV.

"I'm trying to make it hedonistic yet professional," he says of his act.

"This is what I've always wanted to do," he says. "Theater shows. It's like a rock 'n' roll thing. ... The next thing you know, you get huge applause. The nervousness doesn't happen. Then you start to get crazy. You try to find the pockets of people who are into you and play to them. You can't give in to it."

Here's hoping he sticks to the fake pot.